There came a point last year when this was the case. It was around midsummer. My fatigue started to show up more and I noticed the joy of practice wasn't present. I began to lose focus and clarity of what my life was all about. The tasks and to do's were too overwhelming. Emotions of anxiety, depression and worry started to creep in not knowing what's to come.
Work was such a high priority. I mean Simple Balance was my first baby born October 15, 2003. In a way, Simple Balance really wasn't work in the pure sense of the word. Simple Balance was and is my passion to assist others to live and be well. However, the fork in the road presented itself to me. I just couldn't carry the burdens that I placed on myself or responsibilities I took on having a business. Where's the simple balance in that? It was as if I was in my own way. Not only that, I was in the way of others. The head started to spin and ask questions like, "How can I cut back when I am the main Doctor bringing in the income? What would happen to our community? What would happen to the people working and volunteering at Simple Balance?" This was a great indicator that change is necessary and crucially needed. Things that use to work are no longer working.
My oldest daughter's breathing flare-ups were more consistent which was very unusual. This started in May when so much was changing in our lives. Other healers and practitioners have shared my daughter's energetic connection with me. In other words, when I am out of balance, she is out of balance. Oh boy, does it show with her health and emotions. I had to let go of beliefs that were holding me back from truly taking care of her. I had to seek help from other practitioners and medical doctors to control the sudden breathing flare-ups that were flat out alarming and scary.
The red flags were starting to accumulate and I felt the doors that were once open are now closed. Stagnancy showed in my practice. It seemed to correlate with my energy. When I was energetically available, practice was busy. If I am the slightest bit off, practice would be slower and just enough with what I can tolerate. This seemed to be the norm. My exhaustion really started to show and express itself with really wide and erratic mood swings. I was completely emotional and felt raw to the world. This was not I. Of course, this would not show at Simple Balance. Simple Balance has always been my sanctuary. These feelings would express itself in the solitude of my own home as anger, lack of patience and sadness. The grip and cling to not let go of what I knew was very strong. It felt like an inner warfare between good and evil. My head says, "It was suppose to be this way, not that way!" I couldn't think myself out of this if I tried. This led me to journey even deeper into my heart and soul. This led me to rely on a greater power that knew what was best.
That summer I was pulled to go on another meditative journey retreat. Talk about perfect timing. I was basically hanging by a thread at that point. During the experience, I saw such clear visions of what's to come. It was actually disheartening and the depth of pain was felt. On the flip side of the coin, I also felt and saw the bliss when the heart and soul is put first.
In a nutshell, two choices were given to me accompanied by visions. If I continued to put priority on everything outside of myself while not trusting my inner guidance, sickness would eventually manifest. The sickness was stomach cancer. Yeah, that was a shock to me and at the same time I understood why. I remember as a child having severe stomach pains. My mom would place a hot water bottle over my belly to ease the pain. Being an empath, I took on a lot of people's sickness because I can feel it too. My sensitivity was always present since childhood. Now that I am aware of this, giving myself enough time to process and clear these energies were essential for my overall health and wellbeing. With working and taking care of the family, anything left over was for me. This was not enough.
The visions also showed my daughter, Kalea, getting sicker and eventually going into lung distress. My mother was also in the picture. Being 76 years old, taking care of the grandchildren added stress and affected her health even more. I saw my family structure and support collapse with Mommy continuing to work herself into exhaustion. This was the alarm. There was no time or energy for creating a nurturing, healthy and loving environment. No patience or emotional balance to deal with the accumulated stress my husband is going through or any one else's stuff. The realization came through crystal clear. Before I can really help more people, the love and nurturing must begin at the heart and the home.
Once those visions flashed before my eyes, urgency was brought to my attention to give back to myself and raise my children. The joy and happiness naturally came back. The suffering dissipated. My focus is to be joy once again. With that, everything else will follow. This realization was never lost just overshadowed with what my head thought was more important. I saw the beauty unfold as well as others stepping up to their potential. The bottleneck is cleared. The next step is to follow through.
It's been 7 months since I made the choice to be home with my children, to cut back from practice, to take care of myself, enjoy my loving community, and to have fun with my hubby. It's been quite a transition. Where's the simple balance? The balance begins with taking care of your self.
It's quite funny. I never realized how much work was on my mind in terms of marketing, emailing, new programs...etc. The creative ideas kept coming. It took me a while to stop using my phone to check emails, Facebook, text messages and so on. My daughters would try to get my attention. They would say, "Mommy you're not listening." I truly had to learn to be present and be in the moment of stillness, joy, fun, and love. This is where my children became my best teachers.
"Just be". What does that truly mean? Well, I finally had to experience it to know this odd concept truthfully in my whole being. The process was not easy with all the habits, beliefs, and perceptions engrained in me. I had to really look at things...the good, the bad and the ugly. Eventually, I lifted up my arms and am now enjoying this ride called LIFE. What a teacher! Woohoo!
Looking back. I am so grateful for everyone and every experience that has brought me my biggest shift in life.... Surrender… a leap of faith into the unknown…an awakening of humility and reverence of one's faithful journey. I faced my deepest fears and for now...all is well. I wouldn't have made it without the support, trust and faith of the Simple Balance community, my amazing circle of women, friends, family and God.
Simple Balance is still here and evolving very quickly. I'm doing less yet there is more that is happening. The community will soon know what will be unveiled in the next few months. This will open the door to more healing and living. This is our stepping-stone for the integration of spirit and quantum technology. So excited! My whole world didn't collapse...only the parts that weren't needed anymore. I am passionate with work once again. My family and I are happier and healthier. Our Simple Balance community is stronger than ever. I've learned to let go, listen and follow through with no hesitation. I've experience with great validation that we are always taken care of. If all else fails, breathe and walk where your feet are. The steps will naturally be given to you. Be receptive. Be open. Be free to choose in every moment from your heart!
With that, prioritize your spirit and remember your joy. Give yourself permission to live your joy. No rules. No right or wrong. No cares of what others say. It's all about you. It's okay. You will be surprised with the magical unfolding of it all. I can say with great experience, "What will show up will be greater than what you can imagine so let go of expectations and allow things to show up the way they are meant to." I'm sure you will know what to do with each breath you take.
Your health is of great importance for you, your children, family and the world. Be free and see your community support you. See the love. Experience your joy. It's time. You'll have so much more to give back with joy.